this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
