I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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