The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
