the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
