Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
