Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
