I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
