Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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