please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
