my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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