Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
