is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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