His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
