Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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