Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
