Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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