Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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