Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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