my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
