I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
