guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
