I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
