I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
