You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
