Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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