If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
