If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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