I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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