The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
