He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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