I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
