She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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