rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
