hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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