youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
