the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
