6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
