it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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