Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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