STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
