After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
