i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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