fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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