I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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