you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
