I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
