I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize