Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
