hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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