I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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