Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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