so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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