is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
