he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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