I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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