I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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