I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
