i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
