its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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