Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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