Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
