Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
