Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
