Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
