i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
