she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
