Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
