I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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