every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
