I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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