While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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